WALDSFE

One of the support groups I belong to (Washington Latter Day Saint Family Educators) had their annual conference on Saturday.
The Keynote speaker was great!! I got so much from what she said. I took four classes and didn't really feel like I walked away with very much. The classes were all good, it's just that I guesse I am finally in a comfortable place with homeschooling and am not looking for or needing that much advice or support now.
There were a few things the keynote speaker touched on that really got me thinking. The first was that we should never instill fear. Fear of us, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of failure.... I realize that with my children, especially Seri I do tend to do this. When she has done an assignment and gotten some wrong you can physically see her preparing for the wrath of mom. "Were you not paying attention?", "What happened? You knew this stuff yesterday?", "why would you make such a silly mistake?" and the infamous "haven't you learned anything I have taught you?". Yes, I have said all of these things and many more. Persumably as a tactic of fear to make her want to do better next time. But it really does not have the desired effect. Instead, I am making my child fear me..........
In another workshop entitled "Your mother doesn't work here.... instilling work ethic in your child" she asked us what this phrase entails. We all said it meant "do it yourself, noone will do it for you". this was right however it implies so much more. It implies that you shoud do it yourself because your mother is not here, but if she were, she would do it for you. Wow! That is true with me in many ways. As much as I think I am teaching my children to be responsible when I really look at it I have done a lot for them that they could do for themselves and have in the process trained them to know and expect me to do those things.
On another note, we have all heard the saying that "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach". It always seems to have a ngeative conotation, like a slap in the face to those who do teach. In our coop I teach math. Now if anyone knows me they will likely have the same reaction that my mother had when I told her, to laugh out loud. I am self-proclaimed, math illeterate. However, I teach math well. Why? because I had to struggle and learn it. In the process of learning I became able to teach. Those who are natural at things often have a hard time teaching others. Just think of a time when someone who was really good and natural at something tried to teach you. "It's easy, just...." Because it is natural for them they have not struglled to learn it and therefor have a more difficult time trying to teach others that skill. It works for everything I think, knitting, computers, math, guitar......... So the next time someone uses this saying in a negative manner, you can show them how true it actually is.
The keynote speaker explained that she once talked to youth and told them that they should listen to their parents who truly do love them, the youth replied "when they respect me, I will start respecting them". Later she talked to the parents and told them to try to listen to their children who were really reaching out to them. their reply? "When they can show us respect, we will show them respect". Well, you can see where this was going. Noone was willing to do it first, so the cycle would continue. I have taken on the challenge to always be first. First to respect, love, understand, forgive, and smile. Imagine the possibilities.
The thing that really got me is when the speaker told a story of a boy watching an artist carve a figure in stone. He watched him every day and when the statue was finally finished he asked the artist, "how did you know he was in there?" So often I think of my children as people to be molded, crafted, shaped into what I desire them to be. This made me realize that who they are is already there. It is my job to help them find that. Thus I am reminded that when my child is old I want others to look at them and ask me "how did you know he was in there".

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them".
Albert Einstein